Issue No. 6The secret to a disciplined life.

read on aceapolonio.com | May 7, 2023

Hi friend,

It's the rainy season in Korea. It reminds me of my childhood, when I would listen to the sound of thunder and rain pouring as if they were some kind of ASMR lo-fi sound while I was trying to find the next thing to break open and repair. I was a very curious child; I learned to culture bacteria at home using an agar plate I bought when I was 11 and to cross-pollinate house plants so that their flowers would have different colors. I am still curious about the world and constantly learning. It’s one of the best things about being alive.

Sunday Contemplation

There's a curious thing that happens every January in the gym. The first day or first Monday of the year always has the most newcomers. A week later, there's 20% less, and another week later, there's 40% less, until it eventually goes down to the number equal to those who have been working out for more than a year. What this means is that people usually put their health or fitness as one of their "resolutions"; something they promise to work on, but eventually, for some weird reason, they cannot keep it. I know because I had been one before.

I'm considerably fitter now compared to how I looked two years ago. I had been working out since I was in university, but it was "on and off" between me and the gym. It was because of a combination of my insecurity for being too thin and the fact that I had a really terrible schedule that would often prevent me from staying on a gym streak. This made me less motivated.

When I found a stable job upon graduation, I also developed a stable schedule that was supposed to allow consistent attendance at the gym. I thought that would solve my excuse for not being able to go to the gym. It didn't. In fact, I think it became worse because now that I had more time and a stable schedule, I also became weary of the same routine. There's nothing 'novel' about my everyday life compared to the bustling and busy life I had in university where things could get really messy but exciting. Having a consistent routine made me less motivated.

Notice how that last sentence in the above paragraph is similar as the previous paragraph's last sentence.

I started asking myself what it is that would make me go to the gym consistently. It's about a year ago that I finally realized that motivation isn't really a part of the equation at all. I cannot depend on it because motivation is dependent on mood, and mood can change many times in a single day. Instead of requiring motivation to go to the gym, what can we rely on to move ourselves to do things that don't make us comfortable but are necessary to improve ourselves? After all, what makes us uncomfortable usually moves us forward towards our goal.

The answer is a thing called "mental models".

Your brain is capable of automating reptitive tasks. Most of the things you do now are automated by your brain, and you just flow along through it. Reading is a good example. As you read through this newsletter, you don't have to worry about how each word is pronounced anymore, whereas as a child, you would have to consistently and actively remind yourself how to pronounce the word "mitochondria" or "chrysanthemum". When you were in school, your teacher would guide you on how to pause on a comma and how to stop on a period.

As for the challenge of discipline, mental models are what you need to automate your behavior so that you don't have to rely on motivation. Motivation is for the weak mind. It's a temporary dopamine rush that isn't reliable. What you need is a set of rules in your head that tell you what to do when something happens so that your 'monkey mind' does not have time to form excuses.

Let me give you some mental models that I use in my everyday life:

1.The Doctrine of Saying No. This mental model is the one I exercise often. It basically means whenever a distraction invites me to do something else which prevents me from pursuing my goal faster, I say no. A good example is being invited by a friend to drink or party on a weekend, or my phone buzzing from a messenger notification. I say no to the person or to the situation. This isn't limited to something outside of my body. If my mind suddenly brings me into the past to regret something I did, I say no to it and immediately go back to my work.

2.The Pareto Principle or the 80/20 Rule. This is a mental model invented or discovered by Vilfredo Pareto in the late 19th Century, which basically means that 80% of your results come from 20% of your efforts. This applies to most things. For example, 20% of your daily tasks may account for 80% of your productivity. 20% of customers usually account for 80% of a company's profits. 80% of the health benefits from exercise may come from just 20% of your workout routine.

3.Delayed Gratification. This one is a forgotten mental model due to the increasing speed of changes and activities in the world. (I mean, not long ago, there were only two genders, now we have more than a hundred. Who knows what a neutrois is.) Don't get caught up with the changes in the world because you can never catch up with it. You need to focus on your own path by delaying gratification. Understand that success takes time.

These are just three of the mental models I rely on whenever I am steered away from the goals I try to protect. You can build your own mental models but here are more that you can research about that proved to be effective:

Compounding Actions

Occam's Razor

First Principles

Margin of Safety

Inversion

The 5 Whys

Second-Order Thinking

The Feedback Loop

Parkinson's Law

The Growth Mindset

I just want to emphasize the difference between "mindset" and "mental model". Mindset refers to a set of beliefs, attitudes, and assumptions that shape how you perceive and approach the world around you. A mental model is a "guide" or a "rule book" that you call upon whenever you're faced with a conundrum. It is a framework or way of thinking that helps you make sense of the world and navigate complex situations. It is a mental shortcut that allows you to quickly understand and interpret information, make decisions, and take action. Mental models can be based on logic, reasoning, and experience, and they can be applied in a variety of situations. When used often, habits fuse with your personality and eventually become an integral part of who you are as a person. Choose what you feed your mind, for it becomes who you are. This is not just a philosophical statement; it is scientifically proven that the plasticity, the neural connections or wiring within your brain, can change and adapt based on the behaviors you repeatedly engage in over time. So, the more you repeat undisciplined behaviors, the more permanent they become in your brain, and the more difficult they are to change. That’s why 40-60% of addicts relapse within 30 days and 85% relapse within a year. That should scare you a bit.

Now, let's go back to our simple example of going to the gym and how I solved it using mental models.

So, about a year ago, I rekindled my relationship with working out because I was so done with being thin and not being able to wear my clothes confidently. I used the 80/20 Rule to minimize the types of workouts I performed so that I could condense the most effective workouts in one session. I also used Delayed Gratification to remind myself that working out is a process and the result is not immediate. Finally, I used The Doctrine of Saying No. Every time I wanted to eat pizza or greasy, oily food, I would remind myself to say no. I’m not 100% successful all the time but it has dramatically changed my behavior to the point that often, I crave healthy food. I rewired my brain to pursue the best choices in life. These three mental models were enough for me, as other models often overlap with these. But for other goals I have, I use more intricate models to properly manage them. Throughout life, there will be goals that demand your complete focus and require sacrifices. You can't always depend on motivation to keep you going. That's why mental models are so important - they're the key to leading a disciplined life.

This was me 7 years apart.

This is me now.

Still a long way to go but I’m getting there 😉

Quote of the Week

“Throughout life, there will be goals that demand your complete focus and require sacrifices. You can't always depend on motivation to keep you going. That's why mental models are so important - they're the key to leading a disciplined life.”—Ace ApolonioShare the image below on social media, tag me @aceapolonio, and I will choose one lucky person at random to receive a physical copy of my book 'Silent Contemplations'.

Mindful Reminder

Do not depend on motivation; it's unreliable. Instead, use mental models as guidebooks to determine your behavior in case of temptations that divert you from your main goals. Repeat these mental models until they fuse permanently in your psyche. Eventually, they will become more automated, and you won't even have to think about them. They will just happen because they have become…you.

2 Lessons from Others

Charlie Munger, an American investor and businessman, on the importance of mental models:

“Well, the first rule is that you can’t really know anything if you just remember isolated facts and try to bang ‘em back. If the facts don’t hang together on a latticework of theory, you don’t have them in a usable form. You’ve got to have mental models in your head. And you’ve got to array your experience, both vicarious and direct, on this latticework of models.”

Naval Ravikant, an Indian-American entrepreneur and investor, on using mental models for decision-making:

“During decision-making, the brain is a memory prediction machine. A lousy way to do memory prediction is “X happened in the past, therefore X will happen in the future.” It’s too based on specific circumstances. What you want is principles. You want mental models.”

Song of the Week

Ready to Start by Arcade Fire is a song that contemplates the desire to break free from societal constraints and the expectations placed upon individuals. The lyrics delve into themes of self-discovery, personal growth, and the courage required to take control of one's own life.

The song emphasizes the importance of embracing change and pursuing one's own passions, rather than adhering to conventional norms and expectations. It urges listeners to question their own path in life, defy the status quo, and embrace the journey of self-realization and personal evolution.

Meme of the Week

Let your friends join us in this journey by telling them to sign up for Sunday Stillness newsletter here: aceapolonio.comWant to sponsor an issue of Sunday Stillness? Contact me via email .Read the past issues here: LinkTell me how you applied or what you realized about this concept. I will feature your story next week if you’re chosen. Leave a message here.Until next week,

Ace ApolonioAuthor of Silent Contemplations

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