Issue No. 78

Living in the city has made me restless, as there seem to be too many things to do, too many things to achieve, too many things to aspire to. I do romanticize rural life, but living in a rural area in Korea for one year made me realize it’s not for me just yet. My youth is preoccupied with improving every single aspect of my life, which is also an exhausting task. Yet, I have no choice but to do so. Time is catching up with me. Yesterday, I was a 19-year-old traveling and enjoying a place I never thought would become my home for the next eight years. I feel as if I’ve lived an entire lifetime in South Korea. A part of me was left behind in the Philippines, replaced by my Korean life.

Sometimes I feel like I’m in limbo. I live a good life, but I feel divided. This is probably what living abroad feels like for everyone, but only now am I realizing how much I’ve abandoned and left behind for the life I once dreamed of. While driving the other night on a slightly busy highway, I couldn’t help but think about how far I’ve come. My friends always try to remind me of this, but I never really looked back for long. That night, I realized I truly have come far, yet I’m still miles away from where I hope to be.

The world is a noisy place. Whenever I go outside, I hear the movements of people. They walk fast. They hurry because they have so much to do. Sometimes it feels like I can hear the voices in their heads, begging to be heard. At work, there are no sounds, but the busyness of my job makes it feel like I’m in a crowded place. There’s always something to do. It’s only when I’m at home that I feel everything is silent. Nobody can judge me when I’m by myself. Nobody can stop me from lying down and being lazy. Nobody can understand the vision I have for myself. And then, I feel peace.

As I grow older, I realize that peace is the true wealth—not the pursuit of money, not the grandiose life. Peace is found in slow mornings, when you wake up without worrying about traffic or being late for work. It’s in the absence of unnecessary things that you begin to value everything you have. It’s in the ability to choose silence despite the noise in your mind. It’s in knowing that the future is a gift, waiting to be unraveled.

I think if we spend more time in silence, we’ll find ourselves. I’m writing this in my room, with only the light from my screen, and I feel so serene. I feel like I could do so much with what I have. I can plan to be better, to seek the simple life. Despite the darkness, I feel as if I can see more clearly. I see my vanities, my mistakes, my arrogance. And then, I feel humbled.

Humbled by silence.

Stop running. Let life unfold. Breathe in the air around you. Life happens whether you like it or not, so why chase it? Do what you have to do in the moment, and see what it brings. Peace is not stagnation. Peace is movement at the pace of the natural. Peace is silence heard.

Until next week,