Issue No. 65

As I move through my late twenties, I've found that the most profound realizations often come from unexpected places. One such epiphany struck me recently: life begins at the end of ego. This simple yet powerful concept has transformed the way I see the world and interact with it, offering a fresh perspective that I believe can inspire others on a similar journey.

Growing up, we're taught to cultivate self-confidence and assertiveness. These traits are essential, but there's a fine line between healthy self-assurance and the destructive nature of ego. Ego is the part of us that craves validation, dominance, and superiority. It's the voice that insists we're always right, that we deserve more than others, and that our worth is tied to our accomplishments and status. When we let ego drive our actions, we become trapped in a cycle of comparison, insecurity, and discontent.

I recall a time when my ego was in full control. Fresh out of college, I was determined to prove myself in my career. I sought promotions, accolades, and recognition, believing they were the markers of success. My relationships suffered as I put my ambitions above everything else. Friends and family noticed my growing arrogance, and I often dismissed their concerns, thinking they didn't understand my drive. But beneath the surface, I felt isolated and unfulfilled. Despite my external achievements, something was always missing. It’s like the more I desire something, the more I realize how much I lack.

The turning point came when I joined a community called Seoul Accountability Group whose purpose is to simply be selfless—to bring value to other people, to help whenever you can, to teach or share knowledge to those who need it without asking anything in return. Initially, I saw it as another opportunity to push myself towards productivity. We shared knowledge related to business, mental health, productivity, life, and more. I figure that by joining this group, I would be motivated to work more. But as I met these people from diverse backgrounds, many of whom are still in the discovery phase of their careers, my perspective began to shift. These individuals were motivated not by personal gain but by a genuine desire to help others. Their humility and selflessness were a stark contrast to my ego-driven mindset. Gradually, I realized that true fulfillment comes from connecting with others and contributing to something greater than oneself.

Letting go of ego isn't easy; it's a continuous process of self-awareness and adjustment. Here are a few practical steps that have helped me embrace this transformation and could benefit anyone looking to do the same:

First, practice active listening. In conversations, focus on understanding the other person's perspective rather than planning your response. This shift not only improves relationships but also broadens your horizons, as you learn from diverse viewpoints. When I am passionate about something, I tend to talk a lot. My brain just keeps moving and moving because it’s excited to share more information. Overtime, I learned to be mindful of this and actively seek to listen to someone and only speak when I am asked or when I deem it appropriate. The less words, the more you exude precision and expertise.

Second, cultivate gratitude. Instead of fixating on what you lack or what others have, take time each day to appreciate what you have. This simple habit fosters contentment and reduces the constant need for external validation. What you have right now will come to pass when the day of reckoning begins. You will suffer. Storm will come to you. Appreciate the calm now but prepare for what’s coming ahead.

Third, seek out opportunities to serve others. Whether it's volunteering, mentoring, or simply being there for a friend in need, acts of service shift the focus away from yourself. They remind you that we're all interconnected and that your actions can positively impact others. Whenever you meet someone new, the first thing you should think about is “How can I bring value to this person’s life?” Because, if you can bring value to this person’s life then you are participating in his/her development as a being. This effect then gets reimbursed to you in one way or another. If you or the other person doesn’t provide any type of value into your life—be it company, emotional support, business relation, etc.—then what are you hanging out for?

Fourth, embrace vulnerability. Ego thrives on the illusion of invulnerability, but real strength lies in acknowledging your weaknesses and seeking help when needed. Being open about your struggles fosters deeper connections and helps you grow. You are not a perfect being. Your task is to seek perfection, not to become perfect. There’s a clear distinction there. Seeking perfection requires that you fail along your journey. You will be humbled and you wouldn’t like it. Be vulnerable, and be humble.

Finally, pursue personal growth for its own sake, not for external rewards. Engage in activities that enrich your mind and spirit, whether it's learning a new skill, practicing mindfulness, or exploring creative outlets. When you focus on the journey rather than the destination, you find joy in the process itself. It has always been about the climb.

As I've incorporated these practices into my life, I've noticed a profound shift. My relationships have deepened, my stress levels have decreased, and I feel a greater sense of purpose. Life has become more vibrant and meaningful, not because of what I've achieved, but because of how I connect with the world around me.

🗣️ Let your friends join us in this journey by telling them to sign up for Sunday Stillness newsletter here: aceapolonio.com

📖 Read the past issues here: Link

📨 Leave a message for me here.


Until next week,