Issue No. 57

When I reflect on my childhood, I vividly remember the sinking feeling in my stomach every time I lost a game or a competition. Whether it was a friendly match of marbles or a spelling bee at school, failure seemed to cast a shadow over my confidence and self-worth. I associated failure with personal inadequacy, believing that it was a reflection of my abilities and intelligence. Consequently, I developed a deep-seated fear of failure, avoiding situations where I might not succeed to protect myself from the pain of disappointment.

However, as I matured and gained more life experience, my perspective on failure began to shift. I started to realize that failure is not a condemnation of one's character but rather an inevitable aspect of growth and learning.

I learned this lesson the hard way during my early years when I decided to participate in a drawing competition. Despite my enthusiasm and dedication, my drawing didn't meet the standards of the judges, and I didn't win any prizes. Initially, I felt crushed by the disappointment, but with time, I came to see it as an opportunity for self-improvement.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, I chose to view my failure as a chance to identify areas for growth and development. I sought feedback from my teacher who oversaw my drawing competitions, practiced tirelessly on my own, and vowed to learn how to draw realistically. I started learning how to draw the nose, then the eyes, the mouth, the eyebrows, the hair. Every day, I relentlessly practiced.

And before I knew it, my drawings started improving.

Until I could confidently say it's realistic enough for my taste. These are the latest drawings I’ve done:

I wouldn't say I was the smartest and most hardworking student. I wasn't even in the Top 30 when I graduated high school and college despite having a few awards from certain competitions. But I was consistent. I showed up when everyone was feeling bad. Whether it's raining and flooding already, or when I had to carry 8 books with my small backpack. I showed up. I was scared of being absent. Because in my mind, I thought I would be left behind and that my peers would be learning more than me. My stubbornness is also focused on a positive aspect of life. If I failed at something, I am stubborn enough to relearn it because I cannot accept the fact that other people know how to do it and I can't.

I even remember one time a friend of mine in primary school told me I couldn't dance. My body was like a stick that couldn't bend. So, in high school, I learned dancing. In college, I became a member of the university’s representative dance club. I was stubborn that way. If I am interested in doing something, I will not stop until I learn it.

Even now that I am required to do certain roles in my job such as design, marketing, sales, management, and development. These things are new to me because my major was Chemical Engineering in college. However, because my goal is to become a successful startup founder, I think of it now as a challenge. If others can learn it, then I can too. In just a year, I have learned so much about building products and selling them. The books I read have helped me for the most part but also the people I am surrounded by.

Over the years, I've become comfortable with failure. I think of it now as a requirement for expertise and experience. I take pride in it. It's a battle wound that is evidence of my relentlessness. Plus, it makes a good story to talk about.

I don’t draw anymore. The last time I did was 2020. But I know I still have the skill in me ‘cause now I know I can always learn it again.

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Until next week,