Issue No. 55

When I was in university, I thought I'd be a really diligent Chemical Engineer. I studied Chemical Engineering at one of the best schools in South Korea, Yonsei University. It's a private university which is considered the most expensive as well. But I got in through a scholarship. During my time at the university, I imagined myself becoming an engineer in a renowned company such as SK or LG Chemical. But as years passed, I realized I hated it. The more I learned about Chemical Engineering, the more I hated the notion that I'd be somewhere out of the capital in a remote province at a silent factory or in my own office looking at the machines and tubes and fumes.

"Not for me," I said.

I'm the type of person who likes to have the freedom of creativity. Ever since high school, I was already artistic, excelling in painting, drawing, writing, dancing, filmmaking, and even acting. Can you believe it? I once took acting classes and I was an actual dancer at 16.

After I graduated from Yonsei University, I realized I didn't want to pursue Chemical Engineering. But when the pressure of the thought, “If I spent 4 years studying this, why shouldn't I pursue it as a career?" came in, I postponed my plan to pursue a different one. So, I tried to apply for engineering positions.

I did not get in. There was too much competition even among Koreans. I managed to grab opportunities for interviews but nothing more than that. All I saw were students who had graduated from the best schools and wanted to be the best obedient engineers, spending all day long calculating numbers in their heads.

After 100+ job applications and only 10 interviews, I found myself with only $100 in my bank account. A graduate of a top university in Korea and in Asia, with only $100 in his bank account? I was desperate, so I called my Aunt who lives in Pyeongtaek with her American family. I said I'd like to stay at her house and tutor the kids.

This is my first ask. Despite feeling a little awkward about it, as it's really frowned upon in Philippine culture to ask for such a favor from relatives, I asked my Aunt. She obliged happily. I am very grateful to her.

For the first month, my Aunt helped me land a job as an assistant to an old lady who sells a variety of objects such as jewelry, statues, crystals, and decorations. It was interesting, but I found it really boring. I spent 8 hours standing in front of her stall engaging American soldiers to buy a piece of jade or Christmas decoration for their wives or children. I felt out of place.

My Aunt had friends from within the base. One day when I was invited to have lunch with them, I realized one still had her uniform. She was working for the base's largest grocery, specifically at the bakery.

This is my second ask. I asked this lady to introduce me to the manager. The manager turned out to be a Filipina and obliged to put me in for an interview. I got the job and moved, with my old lady boss trying to hold me back as she thought I was lucky in her business as I could bring in a lot of customers in a day.

The following week, I started working as a baker. I would bake cakes, donuts, scones, different types of bread I hadn't heard of before.

I did this for about 3 months, then I moved out of my Aunt's house to find my own place, as I found it only logical.

This is my third ask: I asked my Aunt to find me someone who could find me the cheapest apartment nearby. And she found one for me. I got a discount on deposit money.

After 2 more months, I decided I didn't want to become a baker forever. I saved enough money and moved to Seoul. I found an English teaching job and quickly realized teaching kids is beyond the limits of my capacity. They are absolutely the cutest creatures, but inside the classroom, they become someone else. So after a month of working at an English Academy, I decided to pause and think of what I really want in my life.

I felt a bit lost.

My friends are working in companies already and some are in Graduate School. And me, the only thing on my resume is 5 months of bakery experience and one month of English teaching. I did not have internships so that's another problem. It's already been a year at this point since I graduated and I have nothing.

Until one day, I finally found what I wanted to do. I realized I am good at building businesses from scratch. I was good at marketing. I have started a business in 3rd year during university which I paused during the story I had laid upon you. It was making decent money so I resurrected it. I made it work again after a few days. I realized I have natural talent and skill for this. So, I applied for a marketing position in a startup. They were hiring only for 3 months but I thought it was the perfect starting point. I got the job. Worked for 3 months, saved up money and then…

And then I was lost again.

Should I apply for another marketing job? Is it really my long-term goal? These were the thoughts in my head. What is my North Star? Where am I headed to? A little bit of existential crises had led me to the thought that I want to become a CEO one day.

This is my fourth ask: By this point, sometime in December 2022, I was getting more interested in AI. So, I asked a CEO of an AI company on LinkedIn for an interview. I did not expect him to reply, but he did and the following week, I got the job. I started working at my current company on January 2, 2023. The CEO has become my mentor and has invested in a few experimental startup projects I am building. Many of them were failures but it was part of the process, I thought. My current job as a Product Manager allows me to explore skills that would lead me to my end goal, which is to become a founder of a startup. Everything I am learning inside the company is also helpful in my own personal projects. It's as if I am hitting two birds with one stone. As Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist who specializes in young adult development, put it in her book, I am gaining a lot of "identity capital" investments for a future that I want to attain.

What did I learn from all of these experiences? I learned first and foremost that what you studied in college doesn't have to be your career. Second, and most important of all, just ask.

Just ask people for what you want.

I do not mean asking without providing some value in return. That’s called begging. I would not recommend asking a friend for money unless you can return it with interest or asking for a raise when you have not achieved a milestone at your job. What I am saying is ask with an intention and return the favor that is similar in value to what was given. You can start with a small thing. You want extra sauce on your chicken McNuggets? Ask the staff and give thanks and a smile. You want extra whipped cream on your Frappuccino in Starbucks? Ask the barista and leave a tip. You want a discount for 5 books you're buying from a non-franchise bookstore? Ask the cashier or the owner and get their membership card. You want a free phone protector screen replacement? Ask the network company where you bought your phone. Then move up the ladder. You want a job? Ask a founder or CEO of a company on LinkedIn or email. You want an introduction to investors for the company you're building? Ask the entrepreneurs in your WhatsApp group and offer to do the same. You want a raise? Given that you can back it up, ask your boss. You like that girl or boy from your Church or friend group? Ask his/her friend for an introduction and promise you’d do the same. Why are we so shy to ask is something that has baffled me since high school. Asking is not begging.

I have seen many stories of people who changed their lives just by asking. I even heard a guy get a free helicopter ride because he asked a rich guy he found on the street if he had one. Then this rich guy introduced him to his network where he found a place to sell high-ticket services that help them with their issues. Now he's among the rich. It started with an ask.

Many of us are so shy to ask because we either are born with an innate ego to not need help from anyone or our culture has fostered a self-independence mentality that is too far from what makes proper sense. What asking teaches us is to take risks and find out how far you can go with socializing. You will find that by not asking, there are more opportunities you are missing out on.

So go out there and ask.

🗣️ Let your friends join us in this journey by telling them to sign up for Sunday Stillness newsletter here: aceapolonio.com

📖 Read the past issues here: Link

📨 Leave a message for me here.


Until next week,