Issue No. 41

“Why is this happening to me?"

This is the internal scream from a mind whose life is unexamined. You ask that question because you have no control over your life. It's not even the fact that misfortune happened to you. We are allowed to make mistakes, but to pity ourselves is an insult to our capacity to learn. I know this because I was once a victim.

When my parents told me they could no longer support my college education, my dramatic personality made me think I am being punished. That I was a victim of poverty, of a broken home, of a society that tramples over the little. It’s easy to think like that because there was evidence of poor lifestyle around me. My neighborhood in the Philippines was and still is composed of families whose poverty is transferred to their offspring. This was my first awakening: why does the pattern of poverty keep repeating over generations? Is it because there really is no escape? It was a nightmarish thought for me, and I aimed to leave that place.

For so long, I thought I was a victim of poor choices. I was born to inherit my parents’ lack of education. I am destined to live a life where I would always think about what I should eat the next day. It was a life I never intended to live, so I made a decision to change it. I left the system, physically, and mentally. I strived to win a scholarship and now live in Korea for 8 years. I'm still on the road seeking my higher purpose, but what I learned should change something in you.

When you have a victim mindset, you surrender control to someone or something that you think (either consciously or subconsciously) has control over you. When you get laid off from your job of 8 years and can't pay rent after 3 months, you blame the leaders or the economy. You don't blame yourself for not having other financial assets or engines of income. When you get out of an abusive relationship, you blame your previous partner. You don't blame yourself for disregarding the red flags earlier in the relationship. When your wallet gets lost in a coffee shop, you blame the person who took it. You don't blame yourself for being so careless, not knowing that leaving it in the first place while you're in the restroom is not a good idea. The thing is, you can blame someone for what happened to you and at the same time blame your lacking. That's called being responsible for your life.

Okay, that's good. Now you know how to be responsible — you take charge of your life and understand your faults.

But you're still there. You got a new job, but still no other sources of income. You found another partner with "fewer” red flags but because you thought he's the one, you just disregard it once more. You still leave your phone or wallet on an open table. Your previous admission to your faults is called responsibility, but doing it again is a lack of what?

Accountability.

It's knowing what to do in the future because something bad happened to you.

A victim lacks both responsibility and accountability. They blame everyone else and do not spend time finding a fault in themselves. They are the ones who say, “It's just my genetics; I cannot be fit like them. I eat a few, and I'm fat,” the ones who say, “I am just not smart enough. I'll just do this job forever." "I'm too old; no one is going to hire me for that. Also, it's difficult to learn.” the one who says, “The world is cruel and the system is rigged, so I'll just focus on what I can do and what I was taught to do”.

Stay. Away. From. These. People.

They will infect you with their negativity masked as a realistic perspective. Being realistic does not mean being stagnant. True realism is observing reality and doing something about it, not accepting it. Do not accept mediocrity; do not accept a sad, lonely life. You have only 60 Summers left if you're over 20 years old. 60. Sixty. That's all you've got.

Stop being a victim and take control. Life is tough, get a helmet, and move. No amount of crying, mourning, or mindless scrolling will change your life—only action will.

If you don't change your life for the better, life will change it for you. And you will not like where it leads you.

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Until next week,