Issue No. 38

We communicate in several ways, including words, gestures, body movement, eye contact, and even chemicals like pheromones. This indicates that we have evolved to socialize, and not engaging in communication with another person is detrimental to the brain, leading to degradation over time. In fact, isolation is associated with the potential for cognitive decline. Many neural circuits in our brain are trained through communication.

However, there is another form of communication of which most people are unaware because it occurs in the subconscious part of our minds—insinuation. Insinuation often carries a negative connotation due to its manipulative tendencies. Yet, when used appropriately, insinuation can enhance your social skills.

Consider this: Perhaps you were conversing with someone, and they complimented you or made a subtle touch on your arm, especially impactful if the person is of the opposite sex due to the need for romantic validation. Your subconscious mind processes these cues. Negative signals, like avoiding eye contact, can decrease your confidence without you understanding why. Conversely, positive cues, such as a compliment, can boost your confidence.

Here's a concrete example: Let's say it's December, and you want to inform someone about your upcoming birthday without stating it explicitly. You can incorporate it into a conversation by saying, "That actually happened to me too on December 20, my birthday. Anyway, so what should we do this weekend?” swiftly redirecting the discussion afterward. By doing this, you implant the notion in their mind that your birthday is approaching. Later in the day, that seeded idea may sprout, leading them to think about it and possibly prepare a gift for you.

While insinuation can be a powerful tool for positive outcomes, it can also be used negatively, which I strongly discourage due to its manipulative and destructive potential. Throughout history, it has been employed in seduction practices by courtesans and rakes to achieve their objectives, and on a larger scale, it could pose a national threat.

Here’s a good example:

Shi Pei Pu was a Chinese opera singer from Beijing. When Shi first met Bernard Boursicot in 1964, an employee at the French embassy, Shi was dressed as a man even though he's actually a woman. Shi told Bernard that she had been forced to do this since childhood to fulfill her father's wish for a son and due to the societal pressure of the Chinese regime to focus on boys. Bernard felt sympathy and believed Shi's story. Shi implanted the idea that she was repressed and needed saving. Speaking with a high-pitched voice and being of short stature, Shi didn't raise any suspicion initially. However, slowly the idea that Shi needed a strong man to save her took root in Bernard's mind. They had a 20-year-long sexual affair and even had a son.

The story sounded fascinating, but in reality, Shi was actually a real man. Their son was an actor hired to pretend to be their child. Shi was a spy with the task of obtaining secret documents from Boursicot. His seemingly difficult life in China evoked sympathy from Boursicot, who unwittingly became involved in the conspiracy to solicit secret documents. While in police custody, Shi explained to doctors how he had concealed his male anatomy to convince Boursicot that he was a woman. The French doctors, upon examining Pei Pu, discovered that he could simulate female genitalia by retracting his testicles into his body cavity and tucking his penis back. Upon discovering the truth of their relationship, Boursicot attempted suicide by slitting his throat but survived. Shi and Boursicot were each convicted of espionage in 1986 and sentenced to six years in prison.

As you can imagine, insinuation can be as powerful as a nuclear bomb.

Consider a smaller-scale negative example: In a relationship, if someone desires it to end, they might say, "So, how do you feel about Mark coming late every night?" swiftly diverting the conversation to another topic, like, "Oh, sorry for asking that, might be too uncomfortable to talk about. Anyway, where should we go for Sheena's birthday?" This subtly planted seed can grow throughout the day, causing doubts about your partner and potentially leading to relationship issues.

Similarly, in a work setting, someone might tarnish your reputation by telling your boss, "I really commend Kyle because despite submitting the papers 2 days later, it came out great. Delaying my team's work due to this was worth it! So, let's talk about the content of the report!" This person skillfully slipped in a negative comment about Kyle. Sometimes, insinuation can be even less conspicuous.

As evident, insinuation is a potent form of communication, more influential than direct words. Taking a straightforward approach and expressing exactly what you mean often encounters resistance because people dislike being told what to do. Their habits, preconceptions, and biases act as shields. Using insinuation responsibly can tap into the subconscious minds of individuals, enhancing sociability and emotional intelligence. When wielded appropriately, insinuation can elevate your confidence, communication skills, and natural charm.

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Until next week,