Issue No. 29

Sometimes, when I am isolated from the vanities of the world, I think of myself—not for the conceitedness of narcissism, but for the reflective evaluation of what I did, what I will do, and what I am doing in my life. And when I do, I feel my senses synchronizing through a calm state. I feel serenity in living. The shortness of life becomes a lovely narrative. The fact that life, my life, will end one day. There won’t be any more words from my mouth, no more sounds played by my fingers on the guitar, no more figures on a virtual screen. I often ponder how my last day of living will be. Will I be smiling? Will I be surrounded by my children and grandchildren, or will I be alone? Will I suffer in pain, or will I go in peace? What would be my last memory? How would I think of my lifetime?

The most common regret of people who are about to die is, “I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me.” Somehow, this doesn't surprise me. We often spend our youth referencing our progress in life with how people perform in theirs. We are a communal species, after all; we want to be included, we want to feel we belong, so we tend to copy or imitate what others do, but often at the expense of our own goals.

Compare your answer to that question to your current dream. You will find that there's a difference. The difference is caused by the fear of failure. This fear of failure isn't because we fear failure itself, but rather we fear what others would think if we fail. When you play a game on your own, and you fail many times, you usually just try again. You'd be frustrated sometimes, but there's no disappointment or heavy feeling. But fail the same game in the presence of others who are also playing it, you will find that the gravity of failure is much heavier. Suddenly it's a multilayered type of failure. You feel disappointment, embarrassment, regret, and jealousy because others are performing well. Have you ever tried doing something alone and performing it well, then suddenly doing worse when you show it to others?

This experience is so profound that in order to quantify individuals’ fear of failure, Conroy et al. (2002) developed a system called the Performance Failure Appraisal Inventory (PFAI). PFAI assesses fear of failure through five criteria that result from potential failure:

1. experiencing shame and embarrassment

2. fear of devaluing one’s self-estimate

3. fear of having an uncertain future

4. fear of important others losing interest

5. fear of upsetting important others

This proves how fear greatly devalues ourselves when we are actually capable. There are things that are best done in a group, but there are also countless others that you need to do alone. We are busied with endless tasks that bring us to a higher position in society, which also brings us more tasks. There is no time to think about ourselves; no time to be still and be mindful of our existence. The individual perpetually dissolves into the group until it asks to be revived once more. And that usually happens when we are near death.

So, think about yourself, and examine your life. What have you done? What is it that you still want to do where the fear of failure is not a variable to be considered? What regrets do you not want to have? Today is the day you build that path. It's all up to you.

All of this is just a blink of an eye separated by memories. I'll take a snap of my finger, and we're all taking our last breath, on our last day, with our last memory.

Make all of this worthwhile.