Issue No. 3Before goals, decide who you are.

read on aceapolonio.com | April 16, 2023

Hi friend,

The number of people reading my letters keeps growing every day. I really appreciate you reading my words. Writing, to me, is a meditative activity as I tend to think a lot during the day. When I write, I weave all the chaos from my mind into an ordered form. If reading is like collecting particles of knowledge, writing can be regarded as a way of crystallizing those particles into a gem that we could call wisdom.

Sunday Contemplation

As a boy, I was preoccupied with the vanities of youth. Back in the Philippines, my favorite pastime as a 10-year-old was playing with my friends in the afternoon when the Sun was at an angle that wouldn't burn our skin. We had no phones, no personal computers. Aside from paper or plastic toys, all we had were our bodies, ready to endure more physical games. I remember my mother often finding me with bruises on my cheeks or a missing tooth, but she knew I had fought with someone else again. I was small and skinny, but when it came to bullying, my arms were automatically activated. This, along with watching countless war and superhero movies with my grandfather, led me to my first dream: to become a soldier so that I could protect those who could not protect themselves.But then I realized soldiers don't get paid much and sometimes die on the field without their families. That's not how I pictured my death. So I decided to save lives in another way. I decided to become a doctor. This was my final decision, until I realized it takes decades to become a respected doctor, and I would have to deal with smelly internal organs. I commend doctors for their expertise, but I knew I was not patient (no pun intended) enough to deal with that. Finally, I reached my final_2.docx-type decision: I would become a pilot, just because I would often see planes come and go from the blue sky, and I wanted to ride one so badly as a child. I promised myself and my best friend at that time that I would become a pilot and travel the world.

Of course I changed my mind again. Something else piqued my interest: becoming a scientist, biologist, psychologist, or even an actor. I suppose you could forgive me for being a child, but this type of confusion on what I wanted to become lasted until I was 23. At that time, I was already studying Chemical Engineering at Yonsei University. Despite successfully receiving my degree in Engineering, I decided I didn't want to become an Engineer. The two main reasons were (1) I don’t like the idea of working for someone else's dreams, (2) I’m exchanging my time for a fixed amount of money. I hated the fact that employees are replaceable resources. You can be replaced by a younger, more flexible person who would do the same job for a cheaper cost. And with the constant advancements in technology, I figured out that it wouldn’t be too long until nobody will be working the nitty-gritty of a company business anymore. In fact, the recent news on AI technology had millions of people worried. AI can now write anything, code, answer calls, review documents, hire people, analyse thousands of data within seconds, etc. The jobs that will be left are management-level or being the owner of the business itself. Right now, I am working in a company while building my way out. In my opinion, everyone should be thinking like this. I don’t want to work for someone for the rest of my life. That’s for sure.

I discovered what I really wanted to become. I wanted to be someone who was financially free, had complete creative liberty, and understood the entire business. By considering all of this, I decided what kind of person I needed to be in order to become a successful businessperson. This time, my identity came first before my goal. I realized that what had confused me all this time was that I was looking for a dream that did not fit my skills and interests. I had been using curiosity and uneducated impressions of the aforementioned jobs as deciding factors to develop my dream.

If I looked back, I had always been a businessman. When I was eight, I played competitive card games with my playmates, and when I amassed a lot of cards, I would sell them back to them. When I was 14, I would draw or paint my classmates and sell it to them. If they didn't like it, I'd say I'd give it to them for free if they found me another person who would pay for a drawing. When I was 16, I would edit or film short movies for school projects from students at other universities and get paid. When I was 17, I would repair broken earphones whose method I learned from Youtube and also get paid. When I was 22, I was coaching students on how to get the same scholarship I got for a fee. This was the first business I officially registered. When I was 23, I was creating Notion templates and selling them to random people online. I learned marketing, accounting, taxation, business development, programming, design all by myself. When I turned 24, I was exchanging my body services for money. (Not that kind of services, you silly ) I meant, I became a bartender, an assistant cook, a dishwasher, a club promoter/guard, a private tutor. And at each of those places, I would ask the manager or the owner how the business started, average profit margin, pricing and marketing strategies, taxes, etc.

I was fascinated by what money could do, and I was naturally adept at building or creating a business. It was like I had always been a businessman, but I never bothered to find out. I was too busy looking outside, trying to figure out the next trend or what was deemed high status in society, especially in Asian society, that I forgot to look inside. Now that I am 26, I am building three other startups. One helps save lives, one helps teach others how to become entrepreneurs, and one will change how we use the internet forever. I knew this was my main goal, my ikigai, the reason I wake up at 6:00am with a smile (the smile part is not true, but you get the sentiment). And even if I fail, which is highly probable, I know that I will enjoy trying it again because that is my purpose.The lesson here is to sit down with yourself and ask the real questions. Before you ask yourself what goals you want to achieve, first decide what kind of person you want to become. Because deciding what your identity is determines what you will become and not the other way around. Notice I didn't say "know who you are" before you determine what you will become. This is because who you are at the moment can change over the course of your life, and you have the power to adjust it. You can decide what type of person you want to become, and only then can you determine the appropriate goal for that kind of identity. If today you're a lazy person who eats unhealthy food, you can decide to become a disciplined person. When you're already disciplined, you have the clarity of mind to decide what you want to become. Once you have decided on your goal, then you can work it out backwards by determining the required actions for that goal.

Often, people make a mistake in their approach. They say, "I want to be a singer, so I will become a person who likes music." Instead, it should be, "I want to become a person who likes music, so I will be a singer." What makes the first approach dangerous is the possibility of losing interest in music after, for example, three years. What if you enrolled in a three or four-year degree program to become a musician? On the other hand, if you first decided to test whether you genuinely enjoy being a person interested in music, then the appropriate goal would become clear. See the difference?

So, before deciding you want to become a soldier, ask yourself if you would be willing to sacrifice your life for the lives of others who might not even know you. Before deciding you want to be a doctor, ask yourself if you really want to take care of someone else with patience. Before deciding you want to be a pilot, ask yourself if you can handle pressure and be responsible for the lives of many people in case of a tragedy. Before deciding you want to be a businessperson, ask yourself if you can become an antifragile person and benefit from both failure and successes. The skills of a profession can be learned by anyone, but identity is something you build from within. If a doctor or nurse without the passion to take care of their patients took responsibility for you, you would probably lose confidence in their work, even though you know they are experts in what they do. If a singer sang in front of you without the passion for being a musician, you would not feel the genuine emotions that the words could potentially offer, even if the singer is in tune. If your partner or lover is always present and always there to take care of you but is never really passionate about the love you want to build, it will be obvious to you that it's not going to work out. The skills and actions do not reach their ultimate potential if the identity isn't there. So before you decide what you want to do, decide what kind of person you want to become. Before goals, decide who you are.

Quote of the Week

“Deciding what your identity is determines what you will become and not the other way around. Before goals, decide who you are.”—Ace ApolonioShare the image below on social media, tag me @aceapolonio, and I will choose one lucky person at random to receive a physical copy of my book 'Silent Contemplations'.

Mindful Reminder

First, take the time to define your identity and values as a person. Once you have a clear sense of who you are, you can set a goal that aligns with your identity and reflects your aspirations. Next, work backwards from that goal to identify the specific steps and actions required to achieve it. Make a detailed plan, breaking the goal down into smaller, manageable tasks, and commit to following through on each step, one by one. With perseverance and dedication, you will find that success is a natural outcome of this method.

2 Lessons from Others

Howard Thurman, an American author, philosopher, and civil rights leader, on pursuing your passion:

“Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

James Clear, an American author, speaker, and productivity expert, on the power of habits and identity in achieving success:

“The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity. It’s one thing to say I’m the type of person who wants this. It’s something very different to say I’m the type of person who is this.”

Song of the Week

All We Do by Oh Wonder is a song that reflects on the human tendency to conform and follow societal norms rather than pursuing individual desires and dreams. The lyrics prompt listeners to question their own beliefs, habits, and the way they lead their lives.

The song discusses the idea that many people go through life simply going along with what is expected of them, instead of challenging the status quo or seeking their own unique path. It encourages listeners to break free from the cycle of conformity and to explore their own identities and aspirations.

Meme of the Week

Let your friends join us in this journey by telling them to sign up for Sunday Stillness newsletter here: aceapolonio.comWant to sponsor an issue of Sunday Stillness? Contact me via email .Read the past issues here: LinkTell me how you applied or what you realized about this concept. I will feature your story next week if you’re chosen. Leave a message here.Until next week,

Ace ApolonioAuthor of Silent Contemplations

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